Love Wasn’t Enough
Heidi and Matt* felt called to care for vulnerable children after watching families in their church begin the adoption process. With several thriving biological children, they felt they had enough experience and love to parent one more. With open hearts, they accepted the referral of a toddler who had experienced trauma, neglect, and abuse.
When Heidi and Matt turned to Chosen, they were four years into the adoption and the situation was dire. They felt isolated, their marriage was in jeopardy, and they had no idea how to parent their adopted child, whose behaviors were now wreaking havoc in their home. Heidi and Matt felt guilty; at one point, they questioned whether they even liked their adopted daughter anymore. Frequently, Matt told Heidi that he wished they could turn back time and, rather than adopting, find a different way to help children who were hurting. Despite their hope and optimism when the adoption process began, the couple discovered that love was not enough to combat their adopted daughter’s trauma, nor was it enough to create attachment in their family.
The couple has worked with Chosen for nine months. Through this time, healing is beginning to take place. Heidi doesn’t feel as isolated because she has the support of a compassionate mentor. Both parents have received significant amounts of education regarding parenting techniques for a child who has experienced trauma. Chosen is helping Heidi and Matt use the results of an Adult Attachment Interview to understand how their past pain is affecting attachment to their daughter. After making significant changes in their home, their marriage is becoming more stable, they are experiencing less stress, and their adopted daughter’s behaviors have drastically improved.
Love got this family started on their adoption journey, and now the right tools are helping them continue the journey. Chosen is proud to walk with this family on their path toward healing.
*Names changed to protect privacy.